I Wonder

I look at every headlight that passes by, a flash of hope followed by letdown. I wonder if you've ever done the same? Each let down leaves me deeper, deeper into the depths of darkness. When the hurt becomes too much, I have to replace it with anger. I lash out to relieve the pain, only i push you farther away. I look into each person's face, No matter where i meet them, wondering are you wondering too? I know I'm not in your heart, you're happy living without me. I can't accept the truth, not yet, I don't want this to be my reality I want everyone to feel this pain, but I never wanted that for anyone, I'm constantly battling with myself, I finally understand wanting to end it all, I see how that could be an option. I look at every buildings windows, A reflection of my emptiness reflected, I wonder have you felt that before? I hope you haven't, it's far too painful, I never wanted you to feel pain like that. You've put us here and blamed me, but we both know it was all your doing. I excuse it away saying it's not real, You don't really love her, not like you love me. This can't be who you are now? This isn't who i fell in love with, That i know for certain, I couldn't have, i would have walked away. But would I have walked away from you? If you had been this man? You weren't this man to me, But to others you could have been. I used to be so sure of who you were, now I don't know you at all. I look everywhere for just a glimpse, but i don't see you anywhere. I wonder if you miss me the same way? It's driving me crazy, making me insane. I no longer control my mind, It does what it wants, Says what it shouldn't, I've lost all reason,all logic, I fear I've lost all sanity. I don't know how to function without you. Nothing makes sense, nothing is clear, except for me, losing you, Meant losing my mind, Losing all hope, Losing my sanity. No hope in sight No reprieve from pain, I've gained all this hurt And lost my mind in return