ICandi

ICandi

A premature child just born,

needing her mother to love her,

not knowing she was just a thorn,

in her mothers young life,

she wanted a son,

she wanted a boy,

she wanted to settle down and be a wife,

but not with him no

with the man that she stole

best friends no longer the best,

but because of prior children they see each other until they grow old

the pain that this little girl feels

when her mother has a boy

seven years of her life ignored

and now shes locked up like an old toy

left in a room high up so high

like a damsel in distress,

For the world her friends couldnt figure out why,

she knew why,

Her mother told her

she was dirty

a bastard child

no life to be lived,

and with every harsh word the child forgave.

She wanted a mother,

no father or family but her was in sight

she knew the way she was being treated was wrong

but her MOTHER was the only one there

mistreating her out of spite

In spite of the bruises blackened and bloodied eyes

the school tried to intervene

but to save her mother she lied

her mother beat her for fun in front of her two boys

and one brother laughed with joy

as if it were christmas

and he was playing with his new toys

her eldest brother laughed as he saw her in pain

and she knew then her mother was sick

she wasn’t just insane

and her sickness was spreading to both of her beloved children

There was no way to stop it for they believed her lies

and in her spreading this illness she will never be forgiven

only her youngest brother said that he loved her when they said their good byes

, My mothers mother took me

she came up to visit twice saw the lock on my door and knew something wasn’t right

as soon as the first visit was over

again my defense was broken

she beat me again and said

what happens in my house is not to be spoken

Icandi

am stating because of my childhood which honestly was not the best

I lived with nothing but pain inside my chest

until my first son my first beautiful baby boy

He replaced that pain and filled me with joy

I realize what was done and why, in a way

My mother showed me what not to do

and what not say,

how to manage my family without abuse

without raising a hand

or swearing obtuse

she raised me wrong 

but taught me right

looking back at my scarrs

I remember the pain I felt

And the terrible cards I was delt

, and I smile look up and thank her for all that she has done.

I took my situation with strength and grace

put my pain in its proper place

which was not in this life

with three boys to manage on top of being a wife

yes sometimes I cry

but its only at night

when my 3 boys cant see me

this pain is only my fight

In every situation good or bad

remember your faith and try to never be mad

yes its enraging and painful and unacceptable

but you can emerge from every situation with a smile and grace

and understand that the person who hurt you will die inside when they see a genuine smile on your face