Identity Crisis

Overwhelmed all the time

The closer I get, the farther away

My dream

What is a dream? A hopeless aspiration?

It's not reality though it exists in my mind

Doubt says give up rather than fail

Patience is wavering, so tired of the struggle

Doctor, doctor

All this work to be called doctor

But what do they call me now?

What's in a name? A rose by any other name

would smell just as sweet

So I need an identity because the name is secondary

I need to pursue the dream of being happy with who

I Am

A trail of tears marks the years past

But what marks the growth?

Inches? Pounds? Age?

No, just numbers

It's the intangible things like thoughts and actions

Have I grown?

I don't know how to get where I'm going

I don't know who to trust in a cruel world

I hear the still small voice of the almighty

I hear the seductive whisper of the snake...

Whose voice am I following?

I'm afraid of of the answer 

What lies beneathe the perfect disposition?

Beneath the veil of a good little girl?

Afraid to face that I'm not a little girl

Afraid to deal with the fact that I'm not perfect

To be or not to be? That is the question

I ask myself at my lowest points

But I always choose to be... to EXIST

Living a passive life observing from the outside

So young but so void 

Behind every smile, a suppressed tear

Behind every laugh, choked sadness

Will you love me anyways?

Will you still hold me?

If you knew I had fallen and

gained scars and blemishes?

If you knew that I had given into this world?

Realization is one thing, action is another

When will we start to act on the things

We've realized?

Overwhelmed by the madness inside my head

Full of words I should have said

A number tells me I'm an adult now

But in my journey I'm still a child

Growing more everyday towards an

Identity I can define

Eventually they will call me Doctor

But first and foremost I'm Tracy

I need to take care of her first