If

If you live atop a mountain

Or under a hill

Or even in a jungle

As some people will

If you’re as short as a dwarf

Or as tall as a giant

As cowardly as a stork

Or as courageous as a lion

If you’re as rich as Bill Gates

Or as poor as Bob Cratchet

As dull as a butter knife

Or as sharp as a hatchet

If you’re as smart as Stephen Hawkins

Or as dumb as Bob

As skinny as Mr. Fantastic

Or as fat as the Blob

If you’re as mean as a demon

Or as nice as a saint

As generous as charity

Or as stingy as a bank

If you love like Cupid

And hate like Hades

If you sell like men

And buy like ladies

Then you’re a lot like some

And not like any

Don’t change your ways

Of you there aren’t many