If I Could Change

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If I could change anything,

I would change me.

I would change what to talk about on free write days in English,

I would change my days,

I mean I could always talk about how my horrible day was,

I could tell about how everyday is a struggle,

To wrestle out of bed and put on an act.

I could speak of the pain I feel,

Just getting into the car because I know I can't escape.

Talk about the horrors that plague my mind that I can't find solace.

I could tell of how tired I am,

Not just physical but mental and emotional too.

I could write of the anxiety,

The anxiety I experience knowing I can't escape.

Explain the terror of knowing I'm not good enough,

That I am a screw up.

Speak of the numbness that covers my body when it's to much.

But then,

How could you understand the answers I give?

How could you know what I speak?

How could you comprehend when you refuse to listen?

So I'll tell you want to hear.

“Yes, I'm fine,” and “It's going to be alright.”

I'll write the stories of being complete,

Because that's what I want to be.

While I lay here broken and waiting.

Waiting for someone to notice.

And maybe, just maybe,

To fix me.

So if I could change anything,

I would change me.

Or better yet,

I would change how you view me.

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