If I die...

If I die...

Will you remember me as a smart student that can mimic the sterotypical "nerd", going about her day only focused on school?

Or maybe... you'll remember me for the venom I hold and the anger that can make the valiant cower?

Is it possible... that you'll remember me as a friend, one you could always count on, someone who could act as your own personal guardian?

Perhas... you'll remember the girl who hides all her fears behind a mask of nonchalance and a permanent frown.

If I die...

How will you remember me?

Will you recall the moments when I was willing to open up? Those moments that were so few and far batween, they were practically non-existent.

Maybe you'll reminisce on those times where we were forced to work together, the times we talked together.

You'll robably onlny remember the quite mumbles I gave, the simple nods or yes or no, or maybe the convoluted way I talked about subjects of interest.

If I die... How will you remember me?

Will you remember the way my voice rose to the clouds in disdain... in disappointment?

What about the looks of vexation I gave and a glare that could send me to prison for murder?

Does your skin still burn after our quarrel?

After the venom that could only belong to a snake escaped my lips? After I ended the life of your argument with words that seeped with sarcasm, all with a front of calm that was only ruined by my narrowed eyes and furrowed brows.

Will I make you regret your decisions to face the dragon I hold inside? To fight the beast that doesn't know the meaning of the word "mercy"? To awaken this devil?

You, the one who so foolishly made an enemy out of me.

Will you care to know the reason I hold such anger towards you?

Or are you too scared to find out?

If I die... How will you remember me?

Will you remember the rare moments where I gave you a genuine smile, one that is so difficult to find?

What about when I laughed, a sound that was even harder to produce from me, a needle in a haystack?

The times we were friend, when you gave me the attention I didn't want, but secretly craved.

Will you remember the sheer intesntiy of my passion and the ferocity I exerted to protect you and everyone else I loved?

Or maybe you'll remember the shame you had when you realized that I couldn't do the same no matter how hard I tried.

If I die... How will you remember me?

Will you remember me for my past?

For the times where I hid and I ran and I sreamed and I cried.

Will you remember how hesitant I was to meet a new situation or greet a new person?

You'll robaby remember my fear of the unknown that drove me to want to obtain more knowledge than others, the desire I had to become smarter than others?

Perhaps you'll remember the little girl I used to talk about, the one I was always searching for, but could never find.

Maybe you'll remember the unsettling flicker in your chest whenever you saw me cry, the uncomfortable knowledge that you now obtained to realize that I, too, was susceptibe to such intesne ain.

So... how will you remember me?

By my knowledge and intellect?

Or maybe by my anger and annoyance?

How about from my smile or my laugh?

My passion or my ferocity?

My pain and my sorrow?

Whatever it is, at least you'll have some memories to hold onto. At least I made a mark on your life somehow, whether it be negatie or positive.

But I can't help but wonder...

If I die... will you want to remember me?