If I Had Only

If I had only mustered up enough courage.

I could have done everything on my bucket list.

I’d have been known as well rounded.

I’d never have only been the smart one.

I would have known what it felt like to have a crowd chanting my name.

If I had only thrown together a bag of courage.

I wouldn’t have ever let people get inside my head.

My self confidence wouldn’t be like riding a roller coaster.

One day an extreme high

and the next an extreme low.

If I had only gathered up some courage.

I would have said what I felt.

There would have been no nights where I laid awake wondering if you knew.

I wouldn’t have had to watch you fade slowly away.

You would have known it hurt.

If only I had enough courage to run.

I would never have felt the fire lick my skin.

Felt the flames burn away my hair.

Watch as the flames tore me apart literally.

The way my regret so often did.