If I Only

I ponder and I pace,

Like a dog pursuing a bone.

How much time I would save,

If I only had a phone.

Tossing and turning,

Overanalyzing in my head.

How grateful I would be,

If I only had a bed.

Yelling and screaming,

Shouting how could this be!

I did for everyonelse,

Yet noone checks for me.

If I only had one chance,

Over 10lbs of gold,

I would've taken that chance,

And done what I've been told.

Now the years has passed,

And my home is a faded glow.

I no longer have that chance,

I had 10 plus years ago.

For some it means at rest,

But for me it will never be.

For the pain it caused inside me,

Has consumed my soul unbearably.

The pain I endured yesterday,

Was much easier to sustain.

Oh how I wish my Saviour,

I had never once complained.