If Only

If only someone would have warned me

About the warm smiles that would greet me.

The same ones that would soon spread

Endless whispers in the halls, telling my secrets.

The ones I knew

and the ones I knew that had yet to exist.

If only someone told me about how empty

A man’s embrace could be.

Once you’ve lost all the feelings that mattered to you

You felt worthless.

That even an empty gaze or embrace

would not fix the numbness he left you with.

If only someone had told me to count my friends as though they were blessings

And not pennies.

Only then would I have realized the treasures that I found

Laying among the rocks that surrounded me.

If only someone told me that the past was only the beginning.

That through the past and my mistakes, that I would learn.

I would learn to survive, to make the best of every situation.

The past was exactly that, behind me.

 The future was now and I planned on using every minute to make something of myself.

To become the very person I wish I had when I was young.

Someone to look up to when I had lost every single thing I thought I once knew.

Someone who would not only allow me to embrace the pieces that had left scars,

To be someone who learn from them and became greater than what was left.

 If only I had began to look at myself more in the mirror.

Only then would I have realized that I had all I ever needed.

Myself.

My very lovely self.

If only I had loved you more could I have found happiness at an earlier age.