If Only Just For A Second

The illusion I’d say to you is either you want to feel, or to be felt. It’s not a movie with the bright sound lights, right. We can’t all be winners, be we can try. You tried. I tried. We’re pictured as a never-ending achiever. What it’s like to be a scholar student. You were always pictured as that. But they had a history, because when good news enters, bad news is always near by. The illusion I’d say to you is being on top doesn’t make you on top. The smartest person could be as dumb as rocks. The shortest person could be the tallest. The illusion is here, it’s there, it was there all along, and the sad part is you’ve could’ve done something about it. We’ve done nothing about it, nothing is for the pessimists and the egotistical “scholars” who are too smart for their own good. I tell you this, and it's hard to understand, because you're there and I’m here. We’re far but never far enough. You didn’t come out the womb thinking, ‘I’ve got this all figured out’, and ‘life is in the palm of my hands’ You weren’t thinking of anything, were you? We can’t know, the mindset of a baby could be one of the most influential methods of controlling who you are when you grow up. You're mindset was in that category. You were in that category.

You're the smart, you’re not a piece of the smartness, you are it. You're the fiber, the crumb of the intelligence in the world we lived in yesterday. Is that what they told you yesterday, hun? The forever lasting frost-bitten chillness we feel when we remember that it is cold, right? It’s cool and it’s reasonably regrettable. Some would even say moderately regrettable, we’re regrettable. The existence of me, ha, the existence of me. The existence of me caused 15 years of non-stop torture, by a lot of different sources of treatment I had to deal with on my own. The existence of me caused an unnervingly, backbiting, hairless, but prominent insecurity in my life. The existence of me forced me to reevaluate my goals. You remember that don’t you, you matured fast. Faster than the other kids, than the other girls, the other boys. You fended for yourself, you helped yourself when no one would. Now you would see the only danger in this world is a woman who is intelligent, with sophistication, poise, and grace. But doing that now doesn’t seem to be enough, we can’t find the words to express ourselves. Our meanings we can’t find the words to paint them into pictures. We can’t find the truth in between the lines, and it’s killing us. It’s killing you.

It is eating away at the tiny, low hanging madness of a brain you call yours. When will you turn around and say “I can do this”, I haven’t heard that in a long time. When was the last time you actually told yourself that you can and will do this, and- and not some ‘aww I thought I could do this’, but actually believing for just the bare of a minimal ten minutes. See you need to understand believing and saying are two different words with two different meanings, and with opposable outcomes in either direction. You will be, you are going to be, you are not going to be, these are all  the few words that could begin failure in your life. When you think about this as you're growing up, believe you are going to be, believe you will be, believe you are not going to be, believe you are more than a woman with intelligent. Because a woman can be intelligent but have no common sense any day, but you, you can be better than the life you left behind. You can be great. You will be great. I will be great.