If u only knew

If you only knew the things i see the depth of love that is there. To see you woukd have to hear and that you want do for the words to be spoken fill you with fear. I know and have known for so so long my daugjter my dear there is nothing to fear. The love of a dad will always be there your life your pages to write is a must. So many things taken the wrinf way amd words ive said while beinf somwthing fake. Over and over ive tried to twll you its ok be yourself on shells you thought yiu jad tonwalk but being totally open amd honest was what i thoufhr we had agreed on and my demons are here ibwill concure them butnthw loss of you is near i know and you know juat stop acting as though the line isnt there and your foot has nit crossed. My words i know arwnt the ine u can teust but know i never hid my actions you hid so much and blame nikki for the end of us. Blamed for beinf ifnorant of things uve seen always told me you woyld lie to me about things that mattered yet the whole lifw it seems was a figment a vapor lost in the sun job well done i must say fornthe alibi of crazy is now what they all say the depth of you foxiness amazes to this day. Ive said it once andbi will say it again your honor i will defend till life runs out i will never allow anyone to look at you with doubt. Yes nikki was there when the storm brewed whether blue or green she took away the thoughts. I will never forgive myself for not seeing what was there the pain disguised as anger was so unclear. It only to clear now sadly now is too late the future you said with me being grandpa forever will wait. If liam was here how i wish u would tell me but mah made it clear when at the table with lend say on christmas day she through teary eyes remarked how she wished all her people were here. The thirds better half said we are here what is it you say? The madre replied which was a lie her church people was what she replied. Yet they were never there on that famiky day it was the secret she meant though dare not say. When your unicorn cheese grilled did burn he hid not on purpose yet that is what you concerned and the fiod handed without bag though to others it was twas not on purpose just a mix up my angel you were still are and always wikk be i wish i coukd be there for you butnit seems the hate is me and will always be how can love be made and kisses so sweet then the next day back to silence and seems will forever be. I know what has happened kidney beans pay bills no more the bottle in fridge is a good bye or congrats for somwthing i pray will be if its not too late the unicorn isnt fake i swear nicky is no more and the nicotene too is forever no more. I dont know what to think about what was said about coning out if cleaned or was it just to give false hope to put karen ( kevin) at ease. If the kidneys dont work and things are tight come live with me let me take care of you and you will see the man i am and will forever be have always been just lost too nikki. I would live tonsee the lost work or is theblost work me i just want to see you happy the way u made me. So many times you have told me lines from other people i knew they lies it was your way of telling me without coming stright out amd yiur cousin at the funeral was there to act and disquise the real reason yiu were there with kevin just down the way yet disnt want him there with the minis around the good cousin diverted any thoufht of yiu amd the parts man flirting just tell me the truth im a big boi i can handle the only thing that i cant take is yiur not having faith that u can let menin that closed door my hesrt is yours it will change no more