If You Could See My Thoughts

Sometimes thinking is pointless

When I let my mind go I can breath

There is not torment no torture

The mind is a trap

It’s a maze where one left can draw blood

And the next creates ground breaking science

Where ideas clash like ferocious warriors from opposite sides of a war

Where happiness begins and ends with all the loss and pain one could imagine

It sings the song of death disguised as life

Like sirens luring men

I tend to think the worst is beautiful

You chase yourself thinking the beauty in it will save you

Fears and tears, painful memories, anxiety attacks

I’ll never be perfect

Sometimes thinking hurts

When all the words said aren’t the ones you hear

And the ones we allow to enter our thoughts play like a broken record

My mind silently screams “mommy” at the top of it’s shriveled pink lungs

Because yes, your brain had lungs despite the odd shape and color

Your thoughts become your future

The crippling pain that is in your head

That not one other soul will understand

The type of uniqueness the you will never want

It  feels like the world’s end all condensed into one fragile body

Your skull protects things from getting in just as much as you mind prevents things from getting out

I am Silent

Through the torment and the whirlwind I won't say a word

If I say the wrong ones someone will get hurt

So it’s better to say none at all

Trapped in a cell of twisted pink

I recount the times my mind destroyed me

I don’t know what comes after a trillion

Even a googol may not be enough

When hope shines through the shadows are darker

I walk the same sidewalk covered with shade

Here I have control

Because I can let it all happen to me

If I walked a new road and left my pink cell I wouldn't know how long I’d be blinded by the light

I wouldn’t know if there there would be light at all

I dig deeper into the depths of my mind

Into the pits of cynical philosophies

What ifs and whys are my anthem of fear

They’re my lifeblood of science

When will I just let the galaxies of passion flow through me

When will the despair seem a little bit less than before

Now, I guess, or maybe tomorrow