If You Loved Me

I shouldn’t be afraid to call you mine,

The doubt shouldn’t play in my mind like a tape on rewind.

I shouldn’t carry bruises and guilt in my purse,

Because they are oh so heavy and hard to hide.

You promise you love me,

Yet you hide secrets away like I hide my tears;

In empty liquor bottles stashed under the floorboards.

Late night shifts shouldn’t bring you home drunk

And smeared with another girls’ lips.

You ask who I'm talking to; I ask why you lie and hurt me.

You laugh.

Because I love you, you say.

But I know you don’t mean it.

The holes in the wall say otherwise.

If you really loved me,

You wouldn’t call me stupid for making a mistake.

Forgetting a carton of eggs does not mean you can beat me within an inch of my life.

If you really loved me,

You would respect when I say no to your advances.

You wouldn’t want to get into my pants, with

My legs around you and your hands all over.

Your horniness does not overrule my begging to stop.

If you loved me,

You would trust me to be my own person.

I am not your puppet and you are not my master.

I am cutting all the strings and becoming real again.

If you really, truly loved me,

You would make me feel whole again,

But now I am stuck in front of the mirror promising myself that I am worth the life I am living.

If you loved me, you would have helped me love myself,

I allow myself to heal and to learn to love others again.

When the little voice in my head asks why I tell it

Because I love you.