I'll be Here

Dear Dad;

I’ve been missing you more than usual lately,

but why would you care?

You haven’t called

and I haven’t tried.

Maybe you’ve been missing me too

but you’re swimming in your thoughts

without your feet on the ground,

and I’m not even a crossing thought in your mind.

Do you remember me?

Do you still think of me?

I’m your little girl

At one point, I was your world

But I’ve been growing up

while you’ve been digging a hole.

You’re not the same anymore,

you used to call every night

and tell me that you love me every day.

You don’t sing with the windows down anymore

because you live in your own reality

where time is a concept,

and I’m simply a passing image.

What happened, Dad?

Please tell me honestly.

I’m done with your waterfalls of lies

and rivers of excuses.

You used to tell me I could be anything I wanted to be

Because my hand was holding yours

but now you’re gone

and my hand is cold

while yours is clutching a bottle.

Dad, look me in the eyes?

They’re the ones I had when I was born

and when I took my first steps

and read my first book.

But Dad, they’re yours

the same ocean blue.

Except I was mine in worry

while you wash yours in regret.

You’ve changed into a different man

Your eyes don’t crinkle into crow’s feet

and your words are strung together.

You don’t love me anymore,

you won’t even say that you do.

I know you want me to let you go

Allow you to fade into oblivion

and out of my life

but how can I watch you fade away

when you promised to be there as I grow?

How can you expect me to let you go?

You would take me to the park for hours,

let me sneak cookie dough, pretending you didn’t see.

You taught me chess, and let me win.

You claim that no one is forever,

but I will forever remember you.

I’m going to miss your how your smile changed with the day

and how your cactus face felt against my cheek.

I’m going to miss cooking with you,

and your old woodshop smell.

Do with this life what you will,

But when you decide to pack up and drive out of my life

buckle up, put both feet on the floor, and two hands on the wheel

and let the wind take your troubles away.

But don’t forget to check your rearview mirror,

because I’ll be standing there

until your tail lights fade into the horizon.

I always love you,

You’re little girl