I'm afraid

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of love

Of happiness

Of how much they cost.

What do I have to lose 

To gain.

I'm afraid of you the most.

I'm afraid of how I notice you.

Your hair

Constantly in flux

No set

Color

Style

But Always

Always

You.

The shape of your mouth

How it would feel against mine

Your lips look soft

And I wonder if you'd be gentle with me

Or consume me whole

Leaving bruises in your wake.

I'm afraid that you are a girl

And I am a girl

And I am afraid of 

How much I want you anyway.

I wonder how

The soft curves of your body

Would feel against

The soft curves of mine 

Edges blurring

Heart against heart

Lines fading

Colors vibrant.

I'm afraid of you.

I tried to ignore you

Stop noticing

But you snuck into my dreams.

I stopped sleeping

But I saw you

Every time I blinked

The after image of your light

Burnt into my eyes

You in everything I see.

I'm afraid that you don't think of me.

I'm afraid you think I hate you.

I did for a while.

I think.

I'm afraid

That I'm too good at pretending.

At lying.

Lying to myself

Lying to you.

I'm afraid that you believed me.

I'm afraid of love

I'm afraid of happiness

I'm afraid of you

And I'm afraid 

love

happiness

you

All mean the same thing.