I'm Confused

Sometimes I wish I never existed I wouldn't have to wonder Why I feel so incomplete Why I can't sleep What's so wrong with me I can cry as many tear as the ocean But still there is no cure or potion To free my soul.... From this black recession I mean depression I have a secret obsession with having sex with other guys Which ain't the norm for society I am a complete disgrace to my race And to God And all I have to say is I'm confused I have broken all the religious rules I drink which cause liver damage I smoke which can cause cancer I have sex with men which can cause dieases Curable and incurable which I would need a miracle From God the source of all repentance and healing The one who is willing to still accept me When others will never fully be able to These quotes and words are sincerely true But the fact of the matter is I'm still confused