I'm Especially Chicana

I’m not from here

I’m not from there

Most won’t begin to understand

Do you even speak English?

There’s no way you know Spanish

White people would say I’m ethnic

Mexicans would say I’m too white

White people try to guess what I am

I grew up believing I was just like everybody else

Everyone in my town is just like me

But they’re not

In my poor modest town

You’re white

You’re Mexican

Or you’re me

Neither

I visit family in Mexico

You’re not one of us, you were born on the “other side”

You’re rich

You’re privileged

I’m rich?

I’m privileged?

Does that explain the plane ride there?

I was sent to the back because the flight attendant ASSUMED I didn’t speak English and couldn’t sit by the emergency exit

I had to grow up, speak on the phone at the mere age of 7

Translating for a mother who came to a country not speaking the language

How can I tell this to my family in Mexico?

They will never understand what it’s like to be birthed in a country you’re parents aren’t from

But I’m privileged?

I’m rich?

I qualified for free lunch at school

I had no money for college

I would be the first in my family to even attend college

But I don’t speak English

I don’t speak Spanish

I’m a nothing

I’m not from here

I’m not from there

I was born on this land but my blood is from another

My blood is from another land but was birthed in this one

But I’m not from here

I’m not from there

I was told I’m not a real American

By a girl who said she was but then spoke of her Italian roots

But to be white you have to be percentages of something else

25 percent German

10 percent Native American

I’m 100 percent Mexican blood

100 percent born on American soil

They cancel each other out and make me nothing

It was then when I realized something

I’m in between

I’m Latina

I’m Hispanic

I’m especially Chicana

This poem is about: 
Me

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