I'm Fighting a Battle

I’m fighting a battle

that nobody knows.

It stays in the basement,

where nobody goes.

The waves of nostalgia

crash over my head.

It feels like I’m drowning.

Those mem’ries are dead.

The waves surge around me.

I reach out my hand.

What I wouldn’t give

to have one understand.

I try to scream out,

but my voice makes no sound.

I suffer in silence,

in a tomb underground.

The secrets spill out

of my heart like black ink.

My heart’s the Titanic,

and it’s starting to sink.

The lies fly from my lips

like young birds into flight.

I hold me together,

with all of my might.

If I were to let go,

and let all this out.

Then people would ask

what my scars are about.

I want someone to listen.

And not judge my heart.

Who sees that I’m hurting,

and not set me apart.

It’s not for attention,

or for danger I seek.

I’ve been strong for so long,

but right now, I’m so weak.

I’ve held them together...

every friend who would ask

for my help, and I gave it.

Now I’m wearing a mask.

I don’t claim to be perfect.

I don’t dare to try.

But when you ask how I am,

When I answer…I lie.

I don’t understand

every piece of my heart.

If I try to explain it,

I might fall apart.

The conflict that’s hurting,

is not even mine.

It’s to do with my family.

And I’m really not fine.

I feel lied to, betrayed,

like I can’t open up.

I can’t hurt those around me,

and that’s why I cut.

I’m asked to keep secrets,

which adds to my strain.

And on top, no one knows,

which adds to my pain.

Who can I talk to?

To whom can I turn?

My house is on fire,

and I’m starting to burn.

I’m not suicidal.

Please don’t think that of me.

Labeled ‘cutters’ are broken,

and I’m taught not to be.

God, please take this problem.

I don’t want to pretend.

I’m scared for my family.

And I want this to end.