I'M NOT AFRAID

I’m afraid of the happiness I see when you hit me

I’m afraid because I love you

I’m afraid of you

Because you don’t love me

You never did

Bertrand Russel said, “To fear love is to fear life”

When I’m with you

I see the hate in your eyes

I fear for my life

why me?  I remember the first time I asked you that question

Why out of 347 girls you picked me

It was because you knew I wouldn’t put up a fight

Sometimes I cry wondering why I never stood up to you

I spend hours in the mirror looking for the courage to stand up to you

Looking at bruises

How is it possible that I’m so weak?

Worthless you called me that 34 times a day

I counted, sometimes I believe that I am

I’m afraid because I say I’m done

But I keep going back

Running back into your arms

The same arms that punches me and cause so many pain

I’m afraid because I feel like I can’t get away

I’m afraid because I’m your punching bag

But no more, I’m not worthless

I’m not your punching bag

I’m not afraid

They wont believe me,  but I wont stop fighting

You wont determine my future

I’m not afraid

I’m not afraid

I’m not afraid

The fear in my eyes was what you liked about me

I’m not afraid

I’m not afraid

I’m not afraid

That fear is gone

Just like me I’m gone

When you read this, I hope you realize what you did

I’m not coming back

I’m not running back into your arms

I found the courage

I found a meaning to life

I found myself

I’m not afraid

I’m not afraid

I’m not afraid

I can breathe again