I'm Not Afraid

I am not afraid of boys, 

I am afraid of what boys like you do to girls like me.

I am not afraid of what you could do to me,

I am afraid of what has been done to her.

I am afraid of what you are doing to yourself, because you can't stop the pain you inflict.

You can't stop the self destruction when you tear yourself apart in front of her,

while she uses all of her strength to hold you together with tears in her eyes.

I am afraid of what you are capable of. 

I am afraid that when you finally destroy yourself she will be destroyed too and the only person she will want to hold her together will be crumbled at her feet.

And she will feel the worst she has felt because she let you down.

Because it took all of her strength to hold you up and you still fell.

 I am afraid because she is me and I know in my head that there was nothing I could do to help,

 but in my heart I feel that I have let you down because you fell so hard from the pedestal I had put you up on. 

Because I hold you so high above everyone else, 

because in my tear filled eyes and in  my battered heart you are the most important thing in the world. 

And I know that I would let you tear me apart if I believed for a second that it would have helped me fix you.

I let you down and myself.

I can't believe I thought we were shatter proof and even as I hold my broken heart in my hands out to you I still hold to the truth that I love you. 

And the lie that you would never hurt me, 

because in my heart I'm still the little girl that believes in love.