I'm Not Ready

I’m not ready

I don’t want to go

Never have I had someone

To be strong for me

I’m not complaining

I’m wanting

I want to escape

But I don’t want to change

Home is sanctity

But it has also been breached

The danger is repeatedly

Invited in

She doesn’t understand

I am not safe with

The virus

She infects me

Penetrates my soul

Gets inside me

And breaks me

She may love me

But it is selfish

Like the love of

An abusive boyfriend

My friends are tired

Of hearing about this

I feel i have a right

To protect myself

I am harsh to build

Myself a wall

Of protection

I am entitled to

I haven’t forgiven her

I don’t know if I

Ever can

I pray for strength

To let go of my hate

But it is mostly

My fear

That drives

My hate

I have half a year

Until I never have

To speak to her

Ever again

I may choose to separate

from her for

“Absence makes the heart fonder”

But it isn’t just about me anymore

It’s about how she has hurt

All the people I feel responsible for

The weight of my heart

Is anchored to each

And every

One of them

I fear for them

But if I don’t leave

I believe

I

Will

perish