"I'm sick of..."

I’m sick of….. Crying more than I laugh Frowning more than I smile Raising my eye brows more than I show my dimples Rolling my eyes more than I give actual eye contact Forcing a cheery expression upon my face more than it being second nature Throwing up the middle finger more than attempting to learn sign language Giving dirty looks more than I give funny faces Secretly hoping for world peace more than actually doing something about it My lips being sealed more than I show my teeth Hiding out more than I stay connected with friends Being a ruthless emotional rock more than letting myself take time to think about the situation Showing signs of depression more than my natural glow My mood being Pissed or Sad more than a ray of flipping Sunshine Becoming more and more unhappy with myself Not standing up for who I am and what believe in Letting others drag me down to their level Unnecessary prolonged Drama stressing me out Choosing the wrong crowd not knowing it will cause permanent damage in the future Wanting someone more than anything to have my back, rather than stabbing it Thinking I’m closer to my death bed more than realizing I’m eighteen and it’s nowhere close Feeling even more lonely when I’m in a room full of people Not wanting to get up in the morning more than when I liked being an early bird Boyfriends getting pleasure out of breaking my heart more than cherishing it Dancing cause I’m pissed off more than doing it because I’m happy Having dreams about hurting people I resent more than ones about the next guy I’m going to kiss Thinking about how my luck got so bad more than knowing how lucky I am Being distant from my family more than having daily conversations with them Becoming a home body more than when I hardly ever made it to my front door Watching people sing on the television more than I even attempt to belt out a tune The parental control units considering me as a druggie more than noticing my younger brother and sister doing it under their very own noses Wanting to go out in the world and experience more things but not having the money to do it Being sick mentally and physically more than a healthy young woman Most of all I am so sick of not being the happy, cheerful, glowing, bright, creative, enthusiastic individual I always knew myself to be.