i'm sick of it

I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of lying awake

Staring at the ceiling

Listening to my demons scream things at me in my head

I’m sick of feeling pains in my wrists

Where blades once sat

Where tears once fell

I’m sick of having this lump in my throat

At four am

When liquid salt streams down my face and I don’t know why

I’m sick of not even trusting my close friends

Because for all I know

They could be lying to me just as the rest of the world has

I don’t want to doubt every word that comes out of the mouth

Of the only people I feel I can trust

I hate it I hate it I hate it

The person who slowly grew on me and became my best friend

Even if now the only thing we talk about is homework

The person I’ve known for three years

Who was the only one that would talk to me over the summer

The person whose been through what I have

Who I began to truly trust after only two months of a science class

The person who I know I can be loud with

Because she won’t judge me for who I pretend to be

The person that struck up a conversation with me

And wouldn’t leave me alone until we became friends

I’m sick of it.