I'm Sorry Mom

Dear Mom,

Thank you for everything.

Thank you for making me grow up early.

Thank you for abandoning me when I needed you most.

Thank you for never letting me be enough.

When it comes down to it,

I don’t know what I did.

I got straight A’s.

I never get in trouble,

I’m responsible,

I’m a good kid.

Is it because I’m not pretty enough?

Not smart enough?

Not silent enough?

Do you regret having me?

Did I ruin the life you wanted to have?

Was I just another one of your mistakes?

I wish I could go back and be what you wanted.

Rewind 17 years and be better this time.

Maybe if I was a little more feminine,

Or if I didn’t like girls this time around,

Or if I just went to church a little more often.

Maybe then you would love me.

Or maybe you wouldn’t.

Ya know,

I tried

I really did

I tried to hide myself away

I tried to hide the ugly parts

I tried to fit the mold of the perfect little girl you wanted

But I still wasn’t enough.

Why can’t I be enough?

Why will I never be enough?

I’m sorry.

I did my best.

It wasn’t enough.

I’m so sorry.