I'm still here

dear Ivan,

you promised me the world

and left me with nothing

when I would have been happy with just a city

or something

you couldn't go big

so you just went home

but I loved you so much

and was scared to be alone

but you just gave up

and I had to walk away

I had to separate myself from every promise you'd ever made

every sweet nothing you'd ever said,

I had to accept that those were all dead

every part of you I'd ever felt

I had to un-feel so my heart wouldn't melt

every hug

every date

every kiss

every plate of food I couldn't eat

because I was too excited to be with you

it's all gone now

you're all gone now

but I'm still here

and I don't know what to do or where to go

with all of these beautiful memories that bring me so much pain

because I want to reminisce

and be grateful for what we had

but I keep remembering how you poured all my feelings down the drain

I don't know what to do with all these things that remind me of you

They just remind me how much I miss you

And long to be in your arms again

But I hate you for the pain you put me through

Do I hate the memories too?

I don't know how to feel

Or what to think

Or why any of this is real

the reason you forgot what we had

to me, it will never be clear

All I know is that you're gone now

But I'm still here.

-Sophia.