I'm Trying (because I love you)
“Because I love you.”
I mutter.
I’m not hungry.
The thought of food disgusts me.
I eat anyway.
“Because I love you.”
I whimper.
I’m curled in bed early.
The urge to regurgitate is strong.
I ignore it.
“Because I love you.”
I cry.
I’m never thirsty.
My mouth is dry like a desert.
I drink water.
“Because I love you.”
I whisper.
The old ones are almost done healing.
I put down the blade
“Because I love you.”
I lie.
I don’t love her.
But I’m trying.
“Because I want to love you.”
I promise.
I hug her, my cold fingers brushing my shoulders.
She’s shaking.
I can see it in the mirror.
She’s hugging herself.
She wants to love herself.
“Because I’m trying.”
I say to myself.
I hug myself just a little tighter.
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