Imperfection

I am not perfect

But I have tried to be

Sometimes

I still try to be

There is something about being flawless that

Mutes my inner voice as it pauses to bathe 

In warm ecstasy

That very high

Is venomous fang

The rumble before the sky cries lava

And when

I catch sight of this 

Hint...of hideousness

Or the hideousness you make me feel

The water turns blood red

My vision sort of blurry

A sharp edge dangling between my fingers

Mistakes are for the imperfect

A condition I did not allow

To have the wrong answer would be 

Ignorance worn on a wise woman

One for which I claim to be 

So sound the alarms

Close the gates

Restain he and she who dares to be themselves

Pierce their hearts and burn their skin 

'Til there be nothing left but the tiny embers of their crushed spirits

As they float around like evening shadows

It was here in this room

In this place, in this part in my mind

That clung so desperately 

The desire to be punished

Brainwashing myself to believe 

Diamonds were the goal 

And a pebble I had been born

It was here in this room

In this place, in this part in my mind

Where I begged for the cloud's forgiveness 

I whipped my own skin

And confused my cry with my laugh

A frost bitten air I breathed

And I liked it

Deeply inhaling the nothingness of my delusions

At this time I learned 

How to wear tears 

With a smile

I did not want to think

I wanted to be perfect

Since then, I have better tethered my demons

Ceased to allow them to feast on my spirit

In exchange for a fear I truly believed

Would keep my imperfections in line

Now a risen Sun beams thru my teeth

So sometimes I can be insecure about my smile

Every now and again

When I spill the drink

Knock over the lamp

Or make the wrong turn

I fix my face and take a step back

No more do I bind my arms and legs to throw myself into a flame

Realization struck that making mistakes was a part of being human

A creation of which I am proud to be 

This mindset washed up 

Onto the shores of my existence like an ointment

Made of sage and menthol

But do not believe I braved this mountain all by my lonesome

Trust me, I tried

Finding family was what saved me from 

Complete and utter self destruction 

A plethura of light they broke through my fog

Carried me to an oasis of love and purpose

Uncharted waters I had yet to explore

Together we sail through strorms 

And stumble upon beaches

I gaze into their eyes as whispers of my past self

Blow past my face

I sit them down on the sand

I sharpen their ears with words off my tongue 

As I prepare them for my speech

Unashamed 

I present them a slightly damaged heart

Beating but misshapen with quality battle scars

I clasp my hands

I bow head

I part humble lips

To utter

A giant "Thank you."

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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