Indecision and Fear

Today I faced a problem,

a growing,

     moving,

          suffocating realization, 

that stopped me in my tracks.

I have no idea what I am going to do with myself.

Whether I am going to college or not, what job I want, what life I want to live,

nothing.

Indecision, you sneaky, troublesome human construct.

Illusion and choice play a dangerous game,

weaving, trapping their victims like flies,

sucking them dry of all hope and,

Fear, you evil, plotting emotion.

The pit of my stomach and brain scream in unison,

twisting, pulling, and erupting my heart from my chest.

No escape from the dark things in the corner of the room that is my consciousness.

Ash falls and thunder strikes a tone that reverberates the fibers of my psyche.

Broken bone and flesh form a nightmarish creature,

the embodyment of every qualm I ever had.

Fear and Indecision break through, taking no prisoners,

and I am stabbed through the heart with Fear's worst blade, Regret.

It targets my brain, telling it the lies I'll believe until I die.

The blessing of relief comes in the form of work. A distraction from suffering.

And I continue on, ever present that creature I hate most.

So enjoy your evenings, your family time and your distractions,

because when you finish, it will be there too.