indecisive

I am indecisive,

with no exact connotation

nor idealization of how I should be.

Or how the world should be:

"Big and beautiful", the idea almost makes me seem neurotic.

Because I lie,

awake and dreaming of the world that is not only romanticized but also televised.

Because I know I lie,

to myself about the truth of the world.

I still believe in true love. 

And I am in love with the flowers men place in women's hair and in their hands, 

and yet deny those my suitor seems to misplace in which I cannot nurture for all I do is spoil.

I am indifferent with myself.

Unable to stick to a decision in which I need to decide what is true.

The world speaks in 6500 languages and each all convey the truth differently. 

Him and I speak only one and yet I cannot understand anything about him.

I do not understand, therefore I am indecisive.

6500 men that only understand one language each and seem to understand a lot more than me.

As they speak with flowers in their hands while crushing others beneath their feet.

I cannot trust the beauty of the world, or of it's words, no matter how many times it is translated. 

I cannot trust myself and the decisions I make.

to love or not love,

I am indecisive.