“Independent OR Love”
BY:
Tinika Cudjoe

Why does it have to be a choice?
Why can’t you love me, while I do for myself?
Why is it so hard to be independent and in love?
Is it I?
Well you can’t be the one to judge.
I don’t know how to let go and allow help.
I’m always on my toes.
I’m always on guard because of someone else.
It’s not you,
It’s what became of my nature.
Call me Ms. Juggler.
I’ll hold my own door while caring two handful of things but I don’t know why’s that such a triggers.
I let my mind get the best of me,
Because what I think always come as if it was an unknown destiny.
I’ll fight my wars and yours too.
I can pay for you but I don’t feel good when it’s on the other shoe.
I love to nurture others and help them through,
But I’m really scared to be loved by someone new.
But love its self I can’t go through.
It’s too vulnerable,
Yet I still want it to come true.
Sadly I shed too many tears over love.
Opened myself in too many ways to get shunned out.
Lost myself but love couldn’t help me,
By then I’ve already fell way too deep.
Love left when I no longer had the energy to argue.
Love devours and spit at me.
Love made me weak and turned away when I needed it the most.
I’m difficult because love made me blind.
Love says I don’t need it,
I’m independent.
Yet I do, I just don’t know how to show it.
Love says I can hold my own ground.
I don’t know how much of that is true, but I know I have to.
I want to fall in love’s arm all the way through,
But I can’t unless I know when I fall,
I can see my way though.
Unless I know when I fall,
I won’t be in so much pain.
Unless I know when I fall,
Love won’t leave me down in vain.
Unless I know when I fall,
Love won’t keep me down.
Unless I know when I fall,
Love won’t run me over.
Unless I know when I fall,
Love will bring me pass…
Where I once first started instead of having to start all over.