Infertile Terrain by: Jaay Dee Kayy

First I was “just a delicate flower” when I cried because you scared me,

Then it was my hypersensitivity means I need therapy

Now I’m reading into it, I’m toxic, making it weird, and looking crazy

But I went way too many years holding this shit in, being the backbone in this spiritual marriage yet you expect me to accept that you’re being lazy?

There’s a pain that I contain, I can’t maintain that pain in here ,

And I can’t take to see the faces of the ones I’m hurting with my tears

It’s like my love for him is so strong I expected him to share the yoke

But now I understand the One who offers safety has been Within Me all along,

I used to have mental breakdowns when you left me feeling alone, 

It used to feel so easy and carefree, I swear you used to be my home 

What is this thing I can’t internalize or fit inside this dome?

It’s this love that’s tasting tainted, like drinking from a rusted cone, but at least be coniferous and spread my love amongst the valleys of worlds unknown, if you’re not going to accept that majority of my spores was headed to your land but you refused to allow me to let my love implant, scattered seeds wandering aimlessly never to find a home, what you perceived as God giving you a whole lot of lawn was supposed to be the lot for our forest all along. 

But you even go against the God in you and you declare ! I don’t need you, I can make my own fucking home..