Influence

she had on tank tops and skinny jeans,

is she a size six in shoes,

i'm a size nine,

why am I  thinking about jellybeans,

I want to be as skinny as her and that one too,

instead I keep stuffing myself,

putting all my dreams holed up on a dusty shelf,

I know what I want to do,

lose weight,

it's not up for debate,

i'll do it no matter what it may take,

the feeling of fatness and insecurities I cannot seem to shake,

the world is only what we create,

from toys and paper cranes,

then actully buidling real airplanes,

to hard metallic  eldrely canes,

What little spark do I want to leave behind,

what will my future grand children find,

will it be something of mine,

will it be my torso and spine,

mother says all ladies must wear heels and lipstick,

what if it's her mind playing a trick,

why can't I choose what I wear and pick,

the thought of wearing it makes me sick,

we musn't fall under someone else's influence,

in your mind put up a fence no matter how absurd it seems,

of only loving and positive thoughts and dreams,

think of  icream and sunshine beams.