The Innocence of Yesterday

Where do I draw the line between woman and girl?

One day I was playing barbies and hotwheels

and the next I didn't know if I fit in with this world.

One day I was writing "I love me" all over my notebook for fun

and the next I was sticking my fingers down my throat after every

meal in hopes of being perfect.

One day I had a crush on a boy in my 5th grade class because he seemed nice

and the next I liked a girl and I didn't understand how I could like both boys and girls

I thought that God was going to hate me forever for it.

One day I was excelling in math, at high school level in 5th grade

and the next I couldn't focus in pre-algebra and failed a test for the first time.

One day I was dating a boy that was a good friend of mine as an 8th grader

and the next he slide his hand up my shirt even when I told him no.

One day I thought that I was going to conquer the world

and the next I slide a blade across my skin over and over and over.

One day I put all my trust into my boyfriend thinking he would never let me fall

and the next he violated me even when I tried to stop him.

Is this what growing up was?

Learning that the world wasn't just sunshine and rainbows?

No I don't think so.

Through every pain and heartbreak and realization

I grew stronger, tougher, wiser.

Growing up meant realizing that life wasn't always going to be kind

sometimes it would bring me to my knees and make me question going on

but it also meant that in order to get to where I wanted to be

I had to overcome the bad.