Insomnia

Can't sleep My brain plays on repeat- can't sleep, can't sleep The chant so loud it drowns out the lack of sound Quiet! Can't you see, I'm trying to sleep? But my own brain is playing tricks on me Telling my eyes to see things no one else would see Like the monster hiding under the bed beneath me Or the shadow that's been playing on my periphery Flash back now To when I was just a kid alone at the park When the streetlamps came on and suddenly it was dark No one around to walk me home- I was alone I guess that's how I feel now I just want to sleep but I've forgotten how to Because in the dark you see things you don't want to Remember the times you've done wrong and think "Self, how could you?!" You feel the sting of wounds that should've healed Ache at the thoughts of that pain you never want to feel again But you know you will. You know you will. Of course you will. It's times like this when I lay still as a dead man, Tormented mercilessly by will of my own hand That I cry out to a God who may or may not see me He may or may not hear me and He may or may not free me Listen to yourself. Is there even a God out there? Of course there isn't. But there has to be something... No. That's just impossible. If God existed, bad things wouldn't happen, But they do! If He cared, people wouldn't die But they do! If He wanted what was best for us, there'd be no shootings on the news My value to these people wouldn't come from the price tag on my shoes People wouldn't kill themselves because they felt they had nothing to lose- GOD, IF YOU LOVED ME I WOULDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MY WORLD OR YOU Breathe. If God existed, I wouldn't have been born this way With the threat of paralysis hanging over me each day And you know, I'm not even sure of from where the terror came Was it paralysis by fear or paralysis by pain? Wasn't God supposed to remember my name? Wasn't He supposed to heal the sick and the lame? Well, here I am, God, I'm as lame as they come And I'll be stuck in this same spot until kingdom come Will the kingdom ever come, or was that just an empty promise? I would've thought by now you would've fixed the world if you saw this But do you care, God? We've spent so long in this despair,God So long that I'm beginning to think your not even there, God Because if you are there, you're awfully quiet And I can't stand it when everything is quiet And I can't stand for my room to be quiet I can't stand for you to be quiet If you can hear me, I think you should know That my mind has been trapped in a time long ago It's still in a bed in a blinding white room Anxiously waiting for the doctor to say, "You'll be fine soon" And I know that you say that you've got a plan But I'd like for that plan to involve the man In the long white coat with pen in hand To look me in the eye and say, "Yes, you can. You can walk, you can dance, and of course you can run! You can do anything under the sun." But he hasn't said that yet, because he just doesn't know Where my condition may cause my life to go "Ignore it," he says, "Be normal while you can. Most people like you would just be happy to stand." I'm ungrateful, I know, I should love what I've got But I'd promise to be grateful if this pain would just stop- God, please make it stop. I can't fight the monster under my bed anymore Can't sleep where the mischievous shadows tread anymore There is no comfort in my night light anymore Because, God, I don't want to fight my fear anymore God, this silence is killing me now All I want to hear is your voice now The lack of noise stops now STOP I can sleep My brain plays on repeat- sleep, sleep