Insomnia

Even when I'm not alone,
part of me feels incomplete...
It's a different day but the same shit stays on repeat.
I have all these memories re-playing in my mind.
Running,
and running...
Now I'm running out of time;
Giving in to old habits and new temptation.
Just because I yearn to know, Anybody that could share a relation.
To the shit that I'm feeling.
I'm not dealing with it at all.
I let myself get built up and then I watch myself fall.
So I maintain a constant high.
I don't have to be hurt anymore.
But still I cry:
In bed with these burning thoughts every night.
I want and thirst for the attention I was starved of.
And i live for the love I've never received.
I try to clear my head but I feel like I can't breathe...
Hot tears dripping down my face.
When I think about all the times ill-spent and the years that went to waste.
All the times when I:
Reached out,
And reached out,
And reached out.
But all i received in return was cold-heartless neglect;
No compassion and even less respect.
The fact that I was hurting, mislead, and confused
Failed to be noticed.
Along with all the emotional scars from the traumatic abuse.
The trust that I had for others; is disappearing like smoke into thin air.
So my circle gets smaller.
And my resources grow even more depleted.
So that when I'm in need, There's fewer and fewer people to call on...
What the fuck is that about?
More questions run through my brain.
Like, what did I do to deserve all this pain?
Why am I still standing when I'm falling apart?
Why am I still breathing?
How can this damaged heart
be anymore broken?
I'm left all out in the open...