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by rynique

You, with your eyes set to the ground always looking down moving through the crowd. You, with your head hung low and your mind lost in the clouds blocking out the loud. You, sitting in the back of the room waiting for your doom hoping for the end. You, all alone along the wall waiting for you fall hoping for a break.
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rynique

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Comments (1)

QV
<p>I enjoyed the repetition within your poem, but may I suggest something. Perhaps one day you will decide to remove all the you&#39;s except for the first one. Try reading the poem with only one &quot;you&quot;, I think it sounds much more mature.My personal favorite is the first stanza &quot;with your eyes set to the ground/always looking down/moving through the crowd&quot; (the image is magical). I feel the order of the stanzas are a bit invered, but this is fine (the sudden shift can be managed). Very fine work :) Q.V.</p>

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