Interchangeable

In science class, we did Punnett squares

They ask what color eyes my parents had

I would soon learn that family would be exchangeable

I said I was adopted, and they gasp and apologized 

Like they had some personal stake in my life story

My name is interchangeable

What used to be Wynona is now Amber

What you taught me before I could walk, or talk

IS that I am disposable

What you taught me before I knew who I was

Is that when it gets hard 

To give up and throw it all away

That some naïve someone will pick up the broken pieces

of what used to be my happy family

News flash- I didn’t know their eye color. 

You left me begging for scraps

Digging through trash to find a meaning in this meaningless transaction that was my birth

Stripped down all of my identifiers

Such as Wynona 

Sister 

Daughter 

What you gave me is a craigslist ad
Age:     22 months

            Sister

            Brown hair

            Hazel eyes

            Calm child

            Passive

            Thin

Age:    3 years old 

            Brother

            Brown hair

            Green eyes

            Hyper child

            Thin

No longer a person 

Just an ad to be adopted 

No longer an individual

Just an ad to be represented 

But let me ask you 

do the words you use to describe 

my temperament 

my looks 

my gender

define my entire life

They say to choose a name with great meaning because it defines a person’s life

So who’s life will I live after I become Amber and no longer Wynona?

My name is interchangeable 

What was Bershet is Now interchanged with Justice

But was Justice served

When a little girl’s spirit was broken

When a brother had a sister

Was justice served as she cried for understanding

Was the judge making judgements with Justice in mind?

Or was he just trying to find a family in time

When you left us for another drunken adventure? 

I was taught is that I was a burden to your lifestyle

So, let me ask you Amanda-

Where were you on the day that my stomach growled so loud 

it was an earthquake that shook my body

The day I would begin to hate milk

Because let me fill you in

That three-year-old boy who could wander freely about the home

Stayed by his trapped sister’s side to feed her eggs and spoiled milk through the playpen net

You taught me that I am trash ready to be thrown away 

at the earliest inconvenience that was my life

You taught me I was insignificant

You taught me I didn’t belong, and I never would

Seems like no matter who I am or where I am, I think about you

So, let me ask you “do you think about me too?” 

My name is Amber
I am an adult with my life on track yet

Here you come around with a tornado like wind 

The wind with glass shards 

destroying all of the paper thin 

Emotions I thought bottled

Who are you to just discard me and ask “Honey, how are you?”

You with your destroying nature like a hurricane 

sent to destroy bustling Man-made cities 

but then again, I am man-made 

I guess you can destroy me too. 
The fire that burns with in me 

Angry with your life choices

Angry with my inability to let it go

Angry at my choices to understand

In English class, I was taught that my story matters

My story is unique and unwritten

So then why is it when I began to tell it

Angered voices shout from the gallery 

That’s not what happened!!! 

Defending their part in my story 

As if to say “Honey, you are just remembering it wrong”

I raise my hand as to not be rude to leave the classroom

Well played because here I stand listening to you defend your part in my story

You only want me to tell my story 

if it matches the story you told yourself to go to sleep

Well momma, you shouldn’t have made promises you didn’t intend to keep