The Internal Turmoil

The Internal Turmoil

2/14/17

Is it better to fight emotion or give and see where it goes.

I don't know.

I have trouble almost every day, and i pray and pray and i know what to say but no matter the day i still feel this way.

It's always connected to a person or action in which i failed to complete with perfection.

I'm sorry it's always so sad but poetry is how i deal with all the bad.

Christ is my strength and he gave me poetry as a way to pray.

I just got here and there's already too much on my plate. I hate to say it but i can't deal with all this emotion it's like i'm sinking in an ocean. I'm 18 so the offender s the usual culprit boys close friends and personal opinion. But since i serve the savior i got a spiritual understanding to get a hold of as well. So here's the story, i constantly feel hurt. Friends who don't love as deep,  relationships i forever misread and what i feel i need to do or be to be loved by these. I know, love yourself trust the lord it's all ok, but ahh not today. One day i'll look back and rejoice and praise cause i will have won this race but right now i feel like an addict who doesn't think they have a problem. I ignore emotion and when i open up the cage it charges at me and i'm stuck in a corner trying to sort through and pray through all the hurt confusion and pain. And I talk to my mom and good friends but the story never ends. What triggered this essay of a poem a valentine's gift to a girl we both now. How can two years mean more than our six. You say i mean everything but what is this. I get it she means more to you then i can and you're not my man but a friendship is a trust and a love but i guess that's just life man,

I gotta go to class so i'm put on my mask and tell everyone happy Valentines day.