Invictus Embodied

It was three in the morning

My eyes protested their persistent work with gritty pain

The exhaustion had long since settled on my shoulders like a weight

The cumulative long days of work and long days of studying pressing down on my chest

My muscles ached from hours in the desk chair after hours on my feet

And my brain, foggy, desperately tried to make connections fueled by caffeine and willpower

Yet, despite the fatigue, despite my body begging for rest, I persisted

Because I had set myself a goal

Two thousand miles from home

Three years from medical school

But my dream to help, to heal, to share compassion from my own injuries

Would not be denied

So here I was, on the first step of a long path

In my dingy apartment, working long hospital shifts

Taking science courses by night, quickly approaching my final exams

With no option other than success

Somehow, in the midst of molecules and pathways and textbooks denser than concrete

A poem from long ago snuck into my head

I allowed myself this three in the morning study break

To search for the poem based on that faint memory of the title: “Invictus”

And as I read, I noticed tears coming down my face

For I certainly felt in the “fell clutches of circumstance”

Homesick, tired deep down to my core, unsure of myself, and terrified of failure

The “menace of the years” my uncertain plan for a far-off goal

Through my tears, the resolve of the poem resonated in my core

I would not allow my soul to be conquered

I would not bow my head

I would not be afraid

I would be the “master of my fate” and the “captain of my soul”

I would be unconquered

So at three in the morning I grabbed a pen and paper, and carefully wrote out the poem

I taped it to the wall above the desk where I spent my nights

And three years later, as I pack my things to move to medical school, I find that same piece of paper

I bore the long days and sleepless nights, and I stayed the path

And unconquered, I reached my goal

Above my desk at medical school, I know which poem I will tape up