Invincible

It is easy to tell me

It is easy to yell

It is easy to shake me

But

I never understood

I lie awake at night

Tears streaming down my face

Wondering if perhaps someone was more in depth

Or louder

Or stronger

Maybe things would have been different

I know

I know

I know

That it was never anyone’s fault

But I wish it were

115 miles per hour

with my younger brother

a passenger

Fucking

With friends

With strangers

With anyone

I would never listen to anyone

Claiming it was wrong

Depressive

Dangerous

It all felt good

Happy

Safe

Rose-colored glasses pale in comparison

To new eyes

A new heart

A new sun

But that is how mania works

Right?

Bipolar is not a mood swing for a minute

It is four months of being

Invincible

The pills made me abandon that power

Freedom

Love

And though my life may feel worse with them

I could not live without them.