Invisible

For all my life, here I sit

alone and unseen.

I try to impress them all…

him mainly.

Sitting up there on his high seat,

he sees not what I do nor how I feel,

but only the actions of his others.

I try to be visible.

I fight.

From deep within I drag, despite fear and hate and anger and invisibility;

From deep within I drag perseverance.

I try to be visible.

I fight.

I get the grades.

I volunteer.

I love, and help, and care, and nurture.

I spread my wings, and try to fly.

But he, sitting up of his high seat, cracks the flight I have cultured for so long.

And again, I start over.

Slowly I must build, and rebuild, and rebuild.

The stress it mounts, filling me up, more and more each day.

I fear that I shall burst…but relief doesn't come.

I build more stress as I try to build a life.

I try to be visible.

I fight.

I can barely keep my head above the stress.

No one I can go to

No one I can talk to.

No one who can make him see me.

I need his love.

I need his care.

I need an 'atta girl' or even a 'good job' from him for all this work I have done.

But nothing, nothing I do is good enough for him to see me.

The television set, the radio, his other young are all he sees

I am invisible to him.

I am nothing to him.

I have no value.

I begin to give up...my heart no longer able to go without his approval…his love

And then I gain strength again.

I fight. I fight.

I swim harder my head comes up from the water and I swim.

I see the light.

I see that I don't need him.

I have myself.

I need not be seen by him because to myself I am not invisible.

His approval is naught what shall propel me on.

I say this.

I believe this.

I know this.

But.

But there is still this hole left, I need the love, I need someone to love me.

My mom, my sister, yes.

But no I need more.

I know not what I need, not what I crave.

That is until I see you.

The first person to see me.

Not the me everyone knows.

No you see the me that I see.

The real me.

You look into my eyes and see my soul.

I cannot hide.

I can spread my wings and I can fly.

The freedom I needed I have.

You see me. You love me.

I don't need him.

You will protect me from him.

You will help me to not need him.

My father is not my dad.

He will never be my dad.

 Acceptance is the key for me

He will never change.

I see that.

I must accept him as my father…he will never be my dad.

But with you here with me, a little, lonely, lost girl

I can spread my wings and fly away from the pain.

With you holding me, I don't need the pain he brings.

You treat me like I should be treated.

Finally a man who treats me with respect.

Now I am free in the arms of my rescuer, my love, my soul mate.

I am not invisible.

He is.