Invisible Sickness

Coping mechanisms have increased Until loads of weight are placed onto my shoulder Relapses from what I once was From what I once did I begin to sob, searching for anything remotely sharp I discover an old safety pin, and my eyes light up with immense satisfaction This will be my tool to pause the thoughts Stop them just enough for me to sleep So I dig, dig into the unknown Line after line, cut after cut Suddenly, my canvas becomes colorful I sit; I watch the red trickle down, it’s beautiful, my masterpiece My old method of transforming pain as a sleeping pill has resurfaced I begin to get doze in and out of consciousness No longer am I thinking; no longer am I hurting Numb When I reawaken, thoughts are there once again The bed sheets graze past my arm, and memories flood Aftermath from my previous doings causing me immense pain What have I done? The anxiety, the depression, it’s suffocating me I pop the pills as prescribed, no relief So I become an actress during the day Fooling everyone I smile, I laugh, I label myself as lazy Anything to mask the truth An invisible sickness “How are you, girl?”… “Amazing, how are you?”