That Isn't Mine

I’m not supposed to call it mine

My anxiety and depression isn’t supposed to be mine,

I’m supposed to distance myself because somehow that helps.

 Somehow saying it isn’t mine

makes it okay

 that I wanted to die

 and not exist

 and not see my family anymore.

 Somehow it makes it okay

 that even when I try to be strong

 I have to hide from people

 that I need pills to be a normal person.

Somehow it makes it okay

 that I don’t want to be myself,

 because if I brush it away and under a rug,

 I can’t look at it

 and then it doesn’t exist

                                                                                                                                                  right?