This is IT...

Some pains go away. Some stay. Others meld into you, create a new you The tears, the pain the holdings I can’t contain. The flame of who I use to be has dimmed The shell I have developed Was I ever ready? To say something? The moment of tears that seems to come, so quickly, too fast I shouldn’t feel this way after so long. Has it been long? Time seems to meld, mold, become something else. Why does it seem so fresh, so current I don’t know if its anger, if its hate… but there is no room for much else. The pity around me hates it more. I have been fighting, keeping quiet, pushing it aside. Talking how I do, I don’t want to hear about it. No word to it No word for it, I don’t know why I did it. Did I do it? It doesn’t seem like me, it felt hollow, I feel hollow. Trapped, smothered, drowned. Did I cause it? The light came too quickly, too fast, too whirlwind for me. I can’t control, I’m too lost to find my own heart. What am I doing? There isn’t a word for it…yet, Nothing is soothing. Everything irritating I’m lost, I can’t admit it, the tears adamant Can I take it? Tell it all, every word causing another sharp pain. It happened to me. I couldn’t control it, hold it. Would it have been better? Tell me! Tell ME! WHY AM I STUCK!? WHY AM I DROWNING!? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG!? IS THIS WHAT I DESERVE!? It all seems to cold. I seem to old. Too distant If asked, could I repeat it? Say it? Just get it off your chest I can’t words don’t form, it’s a secret, hidden. That’s what I feel. I feel hidden, enclosed, why? Why can’t I be content with no one knowing? Their minds already made up about me, I guess I’m lost to my own humanity.