Is it crazy?

Is it crazy to love life yet crave death?

I'm supposed to be the best.

Why I am here if I can't execute?

Myself? No I would never want to.

I don't think I would. Fact of the matter is I have thoughts

that run on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Don't think I'm going crazy. Don't think I'm not.

I don't feel real. Not in the way that I feel unreal -

more as if I have no control over the feelings that consume me. Swallow me. Black Hole.

I love being alone.

Yet I'm struggling with being alone as of late.

I cry and I cry and I can't stop. And I pray and I feel better.

Then Black Hole and I cry and I cry and I cry.

This scenario is an isolated event, however.

No time to cry forever. Or at all.

Can I control craving death?

Is it an addiction? Not death, but wanting to be able to sleep indefinitely. (NO CONS)

Not to feel full of failure.

I grew, but it wasn't enough. It may not be enough. 

Did I pass? or do I need to be at the bottom of a bridge, brain outpouring, flowing.

I shouldn't feel this way, yet I do.

I do. Yes. Is it crazy?