Is It An End All?

"I'm here for you"

"You are not alone"

"You will always have me"

The lies that people feed me

They are not with me

At 2:30 am

Are they?

No

They are not.

They are not there

When my self-loathing

Claws

Overpowers

Makes its way up my throat

Down into my hand

Tearing me apart

I scream silently

When this happens

I'm alone.

The only thing that is "there for me"

Is my monster

The sub-conscious in my mind

That watches me

As the knife

The one I put

Keep

Under my pillow

Cuts deeper in my skin

There is no one there

As I bleed out.

A single hug

All it would have taken

To prevent this

All of this

I'm not little anymore

I'm not going to ask straight out

Yell

Plead.

I need attention

Every human does

And yet

Somehow

I am deprived

There is one thing

A part of the old me

That is still there

Keeping me

Holding me

Letting me be

Alive.

I still have a heart

Although

When you see me

You ignore it

That one piece of me

That still feels pain

The one part

That can possibly 

Forgive.

If you would look

Search

See my potential

Uncover it

Expose it

Maybe

I would change

All I need

One soul to rescue me

Return me to happiness

Fake or not.

Is it to much to ask?

To be cared about

To be seen

To be hugged

To be told the truth

To tell the truth

Mostly-

To feel loved.

I dont know why

I think that 

People are scared sometimes

Scared to look

Afraid

What might happen

If they spoke to me

Me with the scars

Me withe badly hidden tears.

Parents dont

Wont

Stare at me

They do worse still

They whisper

Telling thier children what hapened to me

Convincing themselves

Hoping

Praying that

Their precious ones

Wont be like me.

They make promises

To be caring and patient to their children

They glance at me once more

I pretend I dont see

Try not to care

Then

I dare them

Use pateince with me

I can change

Be better

If only somebody cared.

When I feel lost

More than usual

I turn to music

Writing

Singing

I want to lose myself in a world of light

Sometimes

It works.

Those are the days 

When you see me smiling

Engaging

But-

If you ever care

If you ever look closer

You would only see

A facade

Nothingness.