It hurts

It hurts

All my life I wanted you in my life

To know you

and see the things I get from you with my own eyes

“Oh, wow you really do have his eyes, Oh, my gosh you look just like your father” they’d say

but it hurts to know you never cared

you never wanted to know me like I wanted to know you

I was just the other kid, hundreds of miles away from you

You never cared to come see me

You never called to see how I was doing

I wanted a relationship

I cried out for you

But you never heard me

Its almost as if you never acknowledged me

It hurts

It hurts so bad in my heart

It’s the most awful feeling in the world to feel so unloved by you

Suddenly,

You show up in my life?

Crying out to me for a relationship

Why now?

Where were you when I was two

Struggling to get by with a single mother

Where the heck were you!

Living your life with your other family

Where were you when depression hit our house?

Do you know what its like to not have a mother and father?

Where were you?

When school meant nothing, and attendance didn’t matter

Close to failure

Where were you?

“I am always here for you”

But are you?

Oh man does It HURT

But you know what?

You know who is always there for me?

Not you.

Me!

I am in college

I am loved by many

I am all ever dreamed I would be

And you know who is proud of me?

Me!

I never needed you to become who I am

Maybe you being invisible for years was a blessing for me

I guess we will never know

I hope that hurts