It Pains Me Too

You say, “how could you do this?” 

And I saw the anger in your eye  

And the gloss on your cheek

The quiver on your bottom lip

And I felt five dozen arrows of guilt piercing through my skin

You ask “how could you leave us?”

And I saw memories of us laughing

I heard echoes of mom screaming

I remembered the smell of blood and quiet crying

And I felt my heart sing a song my eyes knew the full lyrics to

You shout, “we’ve given you everything!”

And I flinch at the accusation in your voice

I thought of the rejected packages and unopened emails

Labeled “New Opportunity”

And I think, “you gave me everything but a choice”

You cried, “if you love us, don’t go”

And I pause,

Not because of the guilt tripping

And the manipulation but because two days ago,

Mom said “be happy” and with her words ringing in my ear, 

I whisper, “it’s because I love you that I have to go”