It Should Have Been

I tend to wonder from time to time what you thought went wrong.

Would you realize your faults, or would you see me at fault?

No, this was never my doing.

We were lost at sea and you would have rather dragged me to the pit of darkness than sacrifice your pride.

You have a hand that should have healed, not wounded,

A fist that should have protected, not bruised,

And a voice that should have comforted, not hurt.

You tore down the happiness we could have had not me.

Still, I tried.

I tried because it was you that blamed me.

I covered my imperfections with makeup and clothes and still it wasn’t enough for you.

It shouldn’t be this way.

I should never feel this way.

You should have complimented, not insulted.

You should have taken your medicine.

Now we’re weak from the poison, unable to lift our bodies from the ground;

If only I knew our atmosphere was toxic.

It shouldn’t be this way.

As I lay still, fragile, and wounded all you could give me was an excuse.

Love was your purpose.

Only your love never loved.

Your love held onto my body so tight my pale skin turned black and blue.

It shouldn’t be this way.

I should feel warm and supported.

I should be comforted in the dark and sung lullabies at night.

It shouldn’t be this way.

As time passed I couldn’t help but think.

Is this right?

Is this the love I should be emerged in?

I should be infatuated, not trapped,

Loved, not smothered,

Cared for not broken down until nothing is left but the ashes you have turned me into.

I should feel safe.

If we don’t have this how could we continue this love?

Our love is the warning label others find on the back of a bottle.

No more will I drink your poison because us, together, we are unhealthy.

Though, I fear the loneliness that is to come it’s time to take my medicine.

I’ll lie down and forget about this love.

It shouldn’t be this way

Your love should have been caring

It should have been warm,

I should have felt safe.

This is what it should have been.

This is the love you should have shown me.