It Wasn't Always Like This

It wasn’t always this way. I remember sitting on the park bench, Waiting for you to drive up, So you could take me away from the place I hated. It wasn’t always this way. I remember you had just bought me a bead making kit And we made hundreds Of those little play-dough beads. We were going to make necklaces. It wasn’t always this way. I can remember those times, The good times, When you were the one I looked up to Beautiful Smart Kind. It wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t always the one that my sister cried to; I wasn’t always the one that she told when she and her boyfriend fought; I wasn’t the one she would have called At six at night on spring break Because she had taken a handful of pills And she wanted to die but she was scared she would. It should have been you. It should have been you that got that call. It should have been you that drove an hour to make sure she wasn’t dying; It should have been you that saw she was slitting her wrists open every night; It should have been you that held her while she was screaming your name In her night mares Every night. It wasn’t always this way. We weren’t always screaming, Yelling, Crying, Trying to drown out the other So we could pretend just for a moment we weren’t alone; Trying to claw each other’s voices out of the air So we could bottle it up And when all was said and done We would listen to it At night when we were in our beds So alone And so scared. Mommy’ It wasn’t always this way. Don’t you remember When you were my rock? When you were my best friend; All the family I had. All the family I needed. Mommy’ It wasn’t always this way, But now it is, And now I don’t call you mommy anymore.